totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
