I cannot find my penis.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
