Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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