bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
