I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
