she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
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