My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
