What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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