there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
