Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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