new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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