Someone shit on the floor
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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