Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
