Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
