You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
