The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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