I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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