Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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