textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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