Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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