Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
