Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
