i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
