I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
