I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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