we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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