yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
