im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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