Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
