he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
