bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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