Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
