I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i now understand why vodka
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
