u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize