I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
