Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
