Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i permit you to call me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
