K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
