I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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