No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
