it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
