she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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