wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
