You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
