She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize