If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
