that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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