The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize