38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
