the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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