I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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