just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
