Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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