no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
