It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
