Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
