If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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