I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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