What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
