it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
