cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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