Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
