I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
