mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
