Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
