It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
