she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
