i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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