I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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